Leslie Michael Orchard (deus_x) wrote,
Leslie Michael Orchard

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Feline Defenestration

I’m almost proud, yet considering defenestration:

Our “plus-size” female cat has learned that I tend to get up around 6AM now, and shortly after I get up, I feed her and her brother. She’s also learned that jumping onto The Girl’s dresser, covered in clinky bottles and delicate things, tends to make me wake instantly and lunge out of bed—sometimes pulling my CPAP mask out of its hose—to retrieve her before she starts knocking things over for the pretty sounds they make.

Now, both our cats tend to start doing restless foraging things when they’re hungry. Cabinets open and close, forbidden shelves get jumped upon, running around happens. And, that’s why the dresser-jumping started, I think. Unfortunately, this past weekend, I made the mistake of storming down the stairs once and feeding the cats, after having been woken up two hours early by tinkling nail-polish bottles.

Oh ho! She’s a fast one, she is. It didn’t take her long to make a connection: This morning, she was like a snooze alarm 1/2 hour early. Our bed is positioned such that there’s about a 3-foot leap from its end, to the dresser of delicates. She made sure to leap from atop one of my ankles at the foot of the bed and onto the dresser; when I lunged out of bed, she hopped down immediately and ran out of the room. I went back to bed.

Just as I started falling back asleep, she was back, and this time launched onto the dresser using my toes as a platform. Another lunge, another run out of the room. This happened once more before the alarm finally went off, which was good because the sleepy girl lying next to me was probably about ready to defenestrate cat and boyfriend both. When I finally got up, she led me to the food, chirping and mewing smugly the whole way.

Tonight, I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow.

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